Courage to encourage - The working parent dilema

As parents, we often find ourselves juggling countless responsibilities—work, household tasks, and raising children. In the midst of it all, it can be easy to focus on what needs to be fixed or improved, especially when it comes to our kids. But what if the key to helping them grow lies not in constant correction, but in appreciation and encouragement?

The Story of Riya and Her Son, Aarav

Riya, a working mom, had always been dedicated to her career and family. But lately, she noticed her 8-year-old son, Aarav, becoming more withdrawn and less excited about school. His grades had started to drop, and Riya found herself constantly nagging him to complete his homework or study more. The more she pushed, the more Aarav seemed to retreat into his shell.

One evening, during a particularly heated moment, Aarav blurted out, “You only notice when I do something wrong!” That hit Riya hard. She hadn’t realized that her well-meaning advice and constant correction had overshadowed something far more important—acknowledging Aarav's efforts and strengths.

Determined to change, Riya decided to take a new approach: focusing on appreciation. The next day, when Aarav managed to complete a tricky math problem on his own, instead of pointing out the few mistakes, Riya smiled and said, “I’m really proud of how hard you tried to solve that! You didn’t give up, and that’s what matters most.”

Aarav’s face lit up. Encouraged by his mom’s positive words, he asked her to help him fix the mistakes. Slowly, Riya began to notice subtle changes. Aarav seemed more confident, more willing to ask for help, and more enthusiastic about his schoolwork. Riya had discovered the power ofappreciation.

Actionable Examples for Parents

1. Recognize Effort, Not Just Results Children, like adults, need to know that their efforts matter, even if the outcome isn’t perfect. When we focus on what they’re doing right, we boost their confidence and help them develop a growth mindset.

Actionable: When your child is struggling with something, acknowledge their effort first. For example, if your child is trying to learn a new skill, say, “I can see you’re really trying hard with this. Keep going, you’re getting better!”

2. Catch Them Doing Good It’s easy to notice when things go wrong, but actively looking for the positive can shift the dynamic between you and your child. Appreciating their small acts of kindness or responsibility reinforces positive behavior.

Actionable: If your child cleans up without being asked or helps a sibling, make it a point to say, “I really appreciate how you took responsibility there. That was a big help!”

3. Encourage Curiosity and Independence Sometimes children shy away from challenges because they’re afraid of making mistakes. When we appreciate their curiosity and encourage them to explore, we create a safe space for growth.

Actionable: If your child asks a lot of questions or wants to try something new, encourage them by saying, “I love how curious you are! It’s great that you want to learn more about this.”

4. Balance Correction with Encouragement While it’s important to guide children when they’re off track, balancing correction with encouragement helps them stay motivated. Too much focus on what they’re doing wrong can make them feel defeated.

Actionable: When offering feedback, use the “praise sandwich” method. Start with something positive, give constructive advice, and end with encouragement. For example, “I like how you wrote that sentence. Let’s work on the spelling, and I know you’ll get even better!”

5. Appreciate Their Uniqueness Every child is different. What works for one may not work for another. Recognizing your child’s unique strengths, whether it’s creativity, empathy, or perseverance, makes them feel valued for who they are.

Actionable: Tell your child, “You have such a wonderful imagination!” or “I love how you always think about others’ feelings.” Tailoring your appreciation to their personality helps them embrace their strengths.

Conclusion

Appreciation is a powerful tool in parenting. It takes courage to shift from a mindset of correction to one of encouragement, but the impact on your child’s emotional well-being and development can be profound. Like Riya, you may discover that by simply noticing and acknowledging your child’s efforts, you’ll unlock their confidence, foster resilience, and strengthen your bond. So take a moment today to encourage your child—because even the smallest words of appreciation can make the biggest difference.

Call to Action

How can you show appreciation to your child today? Start small, notice the good, and see how it transforms both your relationship and their self-esteem.